The City

The following account is true; only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

• 0640 Arrived at my desk to prepare for meeting at 730.
• 0645 Began reading 10 telephone messages: Mrs S wants picnic tables moved away from street. She reports mother of high school children was asked for a date by passing utility worker. He will return today at 1030. Mrs M has called for 7th time on large black birds attacking her window. Between the noise and visitors to see the birds, she can't get her work done. Mrs B says people are hot and tense because her A/C isn't working. Mr. D says we damaged his car while mowing.
• 0700 Supervisor A request off Monday and Tuesday.
• 0715 Factory supervisor reports erratic operation of $ 1000 water pump. Will have to replace within two weeks or risk melting down expensive casting equipment.
• 0720 Contacted Officer Brown about cats. On wednesday night, Officer Green reported a tom cat in live animal trap. By Thursday morning the cat food is missing and so is the cat. Officer Brown denies he let the cat out of the bag, and demands to know who said he did. Officer Brown doesn't want to get involved with eliminating cat problem. (He feeds the cats on the midnight shift.)
• 0730 Staff meeting. Main topics are birds and cats.
• 0800 Installed standard bird repelling device outside of Mrs. M's window.
• 0900 Contractors begin installing fence post for dust collectors.
• 0930 Another Contractor reports on price for 300 feet of fence at our site on Industrial blvd. Contractor will commence work on Monday morning.
• 0945 City official reports that we can park cars on our grass. Her name is taken.
• 1000 Host one hour meeting on mass storage devices. As guess exit the building, supervisor A reports serious discussion about fence between Officer Smith and supervisor B. Supervisor A designed the fence to maximize storage space and maneuverability inside enclosure. New fence post enclose the sidewalk which Officer Smith claims is used by delivery personnel. Officer Smith says this will cause extra work and create a serious traffic hazard in parking lot. Participants agree to observe hazards for two days, and have agreed to a compromise position.
• 1115 Officer Jones reports a call from a neighbor. She has spotted what looks like a scarecrow with a bucket for a head. She says that it is so scary that she is afraid to come out of her house.
• 1125 Called insurance company that sprinkler system has been shut down for maintenance.
• 1140 Mr. F request drawings of all gold recovery operations. He is advised that the drawing will be done, and it will be classified.
• 1150 Inspect Mr. D's car. It has three chips in the front window and blades of grass are stuck to the side.
• 1200 Investigate neighbors report. Scarecrow can be seen clearly from three houses on Coral Lane. Mrs. M's windows are highly reflective, and in certain positions, two scarecrows can be seen from the street. Scarecrow is wearing black boots, and white overalls typically used by painters.
• 1215 Contact Mrs M about scarecrow. She reports negative bird sightings. She complains about numerous visitors to see the bird repelling device. She still can't get any work done.
• 1300 Arrive back in office with only 3 waiting telephone messages. Mr Jones wants to know status on pots. Pots take 4 weeks. Mrs D wants estimated cost to comply with ADA requirements for all buildings, today. Mr. A reports .39 parts per million of copper in our melting pot cooling water. This is good news.
• 1315 Telephone operator reports Austin police officer in car in Corporate parking lot filling out incident report.
• 1400 Technician reports that electric switch for red light/green light has been changed. Technician had thirty minute discussion with Officer Smith about the merits of the better switch, but the customer is always right.
• 1410 Contacted Mrs D. She thought $20,000 would be good for starters. Will develop cost for steps, door handles, water fountains, bathrooms, sinks, for each building in time for budget.
• 1500 Called insurance company; the sprinkler system is operational.
• 1530 Mrs B's A/C needs serious repair which will be done Saturday morning.
• 1600 Supervisor B reports that while looking for boxes to deliver, new employee opened yard overhead door which set off alarm. Officer Smith wants Supervisor B to give new employee a written letter of reprimand.

Follow up on cat escape. Officer Brown explained that cat rocked the cage so hard that it tipped over, and the trap door fell open. The formula for this event is:Velocity squared= F(1/mass of the cat's rear end, angle of the dangle, 1/sin(height/base),1/coefficient of friction of asphalt, 1/Rockwell hardness of cat part hitting cage). Accordingly, an 8 pound cat would require a velocity of 41.7 miles per hour by the time it hit the side of the cage 4 inches from the top.

For my cat, it would require serious steroid use, power lift training, and sprint training. Although I would like to verify the calculations, my cat refused to commit to the experiment.