Subject: A Touch Of Humor

 What's  the difference between the Pope and your boss?
 The Pope only expects you to  kiss his ring.

 My mind works like lightning: one brilliant flash  and it's gone.

 It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now,  of course,
 there's shipping and handling, too.

 A husband is someone  who takes out the trash and gives the impression
 he just cleaned the whole  house.

 My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending  machines.

 The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work
 is that you  end up at work.

 Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it  took two people to
 carry ten dollars' worth of groceries.Today, a  five-year-old can do it.

 A blonde told her friend, "I was worried that  my mechanic might try to rip
 me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I  needed was blinker fluid."

 Why is a government worker like a shotgun  with a broken firing pin?
 It won't work and you can't fire it.

 I'm  so depressed... I went to the Dr. today and he refused to write me
 prescription for Viagra. Said it would be like putting a new flagpole on
 condemned building.

 Children - You spend the  first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
 and talk. Then you spend  the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

 Grandchildren  are God's reward for not killing your children.

 Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like  nailing
 Jell-O  to a tree.

 There is only  one pretty child in the world and every mother has it.

 Mothers of teens know why animals eat their  young.

 I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said
 they  certainly  wouldn't have paid for me.

 Children are natural mimics,  who act like their parents despite every
 effort to teach them good  manners.

 Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat  word for word
 what you shouldn't have said.

 The main purpose of holding  children's parties is to remind yourself that
 there are children more awful  than your own.

 We child proofed our home 3 years  ago and they're still getting in!

 Be nice to your kids. They'll choose  your nursing home.