"Things To Ponder In Year 2000"  Part I
 
 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
 
 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called  the second hand?
 
 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary,  how would we ever know?
 
 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where  did he find the words?
 
 5. Why do we say something is out of whack?  What is a whack?
 
 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean  the same thing?
 
 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance"  mean the same thing?
 
 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
 
 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball  game" when we are already there?
 
 10. Why are they called "stands" when they  are made for sitting?
 
 11. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is  "after light"?
 
 12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make  the unexpected expected?
 
 13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy"  opposites?

 "Things To Ponder In Year 2000"  Part II
 
 14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean  opposite things?
 
 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it  sounds?
 
 16. If work is so terrific, why do they have  to pay you to do it?
 
 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the  audience sitting?
 
 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
 
 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia,  can you read all right?
 
 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
 
 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of  a remote control when you know the batteries  are dead?
 
 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and  garments in a suitcase?
 
 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
 
 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we  clean when we use them?
 
 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the  bottle?
 
 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only  have one?

Probably from George Carlin