GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It
2. Hide and go  pee
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear
4. Kick the bucket
5.  Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says, "Bend Over"
6. Musical recliners
7.  Simon says something incoherent
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald  guy

SIGNS  OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale
2.  You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them
3. You change  your underwear after a sneeze

OLD IS WHEN
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of  your face
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't  have
to go along
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber  today
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot
5. An  all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEKEND
1. I signed up for an  exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing.  If I HAD any  loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up 
in the
first place!
2. When  I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky 
dunk."
3.  Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
3.  press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over
4. Stress is when you wake up  screaming and then you realize you haven't
fallen asleep yet.
5. My husband  says I never listen to him.  At least I think that's what he
said.
6.  Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
7. If raising  children was going to be easy, it never would have started
with something called  labor!
8 . Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live  forever.