Why It's Great To Be A Guy

       a.. A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

       b.. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

       c.. We can open all our own jars.

       d.. Phone conversations last 30 seconds.

       e.. We know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.

       f.. Old friends don't care if we've lost or gained weight.

       g.. When surfing channels, we don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.

       h.. Our last name stays put.

       i.. We can leave a hotel room bed unmade.

       j.. We can kill our own food.

       k.. The garage is all ours.

       l.. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

       m.. We see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."

       n.. We never have to clean the toilet.

       o.. We can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

       p.. If someone forgets to invite us to something, they can  still be our  friend.

       q.. Our underwear costs $6.50 for a pack of 3.

       r.. None of our coworkers have the power to make us cry.

       s.. We don't have to shave below our neck.

       t.. If we're 34 and single, no one notices.

       u.. Chocolate is just another snack.

       v.. Where and when we pee doesn't affect our emotional well-being.

       w.. We can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

       x.. Flowers & duct tape -- and we can fix everything.

       y.. We never have to worry about other's feelings.

       z.. Three pair of shoes is more than enough.

       aa.. We can say anything and not worry about what people think.

       ab.. We can whip our shirt off on a hot day.

       ac.. Car mechanics tell us the truth.

       ad.. We don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice our new haircut.

       ae.. We can watch a game in silence for hours without our buddy thinking  "He must be mad at me."

       af.. One mood, all the time.

       ag.. We can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve  ourselves  to  look like him.

       ah.. Same work.  More pay.

       ai.. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

       aj.. Wedding dress, $2000; Tux rental, 100 bucks.

       ak.. We don't care if someone is talking behind our back.

       al.. We don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's.

       am.. If we retain water, it is in a canteen.

       an.. The remote is all ours.

       ao.. We need not pretend we're "freshening up" to use the bathroom.

       ap.. We can go to the bathroom alone.

       aq.. If we don't call our buddy when we said we would, he won't tell our  friends I've changed.

       ar.. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit,  we might become lifelong buddies.

       as.. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

       at.. If something mechanical didn't work, we can bash it with a  hammer and throw it across the room.

       au.. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.

       av.. We think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny.  Really funny.