C3B's Oath of Enlistment brought to mind another difference in the Services. When told to "Secure the building" each sets about the task in a way that really shows how much they really do differ.

Army: Posts a sentry at each door and directs him/her to check the ID card of every person who enters. However, there is NO direction given as to what they are to look for and anybody carrying something with a picture on it (to include baseball cards or a driver's license obtained on-line) is allowed access.

Marines: Establish bunkered positions around the building and on its roof from which interlocking fields of fire can be directed against attackers. Pre-registers mortar and practices daily with Naval gun fire so that supporting fires can be immediately called in.

Navy: Turns off the Mr. Coffee, closes the windows, locks the doors, and goes home at 1600 hours.

Air Force: Bargains for a sweetheart 12-month lease with an option to buy.

OATHS OF ENLISTMENT

All persons, upon entering Military Service and upon reenlistment, are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time, the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chiefs of Staff:

US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT "I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, gee dunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues."

So Help Me Neptune!"

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US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT "I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn.... blowup...ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute.... Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH!

So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"

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 US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT  "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life! to the  UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the  Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of  water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not  to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding  test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling  everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the  other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around  me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact.  After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean,  donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,  Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and  will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person  in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early  every day.

So Help Me God!"

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US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT  "I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the  UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB  to get into the Air Force, Iım not tough enough for the Marines, and  the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage  every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure  out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours  a day even when I have a date.  I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine  because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only  action I will see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I  acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of  service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on  my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic  Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month  and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home  after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my  9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let  her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should  she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While  at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely  nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs  because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to  "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever  that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working  construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone  about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to  use it because I can't pass a placement exam.

So Help Me God!"

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