Subject: Engineers


 This is dedicated to all those Engineers out there !

 Understanding Engineers - Take One

 Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said,
 "Where did you get such a great bike?"

 The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
 minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
 She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
 "Take what you want."

 The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes  probably wouldn't have fit."



 Understanding Engineers - Take Two

 To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the  pessimist, the glass is half  empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big  as it needs  to be.

 Understanding Engineers - Take Three

 A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one  morning for a  particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with  these guys? We must have been waiting for 15  minutes!" The doctor chimed in,  "I don't know, but I've never seen such  ineptitude!" The  priest said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.  Let's have a word with him."

 "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?  They're rather slow,  aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes,  that's a  group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight
 saving our clubhouse from  a fire last year, so we always let them play for  free anytime."

 The group was silent for a moment. The priest said,  "That's so sad. I think  I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The  doctor said, "Good idea.  And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy  and see if there's anything  he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't  these guys play at night?"

 Understanding Engineers - Take Four

 What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers  and Civil Engineers?
 Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil  Engineers  build targets.

 Understanding Engineers - Take Five

 The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does  it work?"
The graduate  with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it  work?"
 The  graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much  will it cost?"
The  graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want  fries with that?"

 Understanding Engineers - Take Six

 Three engineering students were gathered together  discussing the possible  designers of the human body. One said, "It was a  mechanical  engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another  said, "No, it was an  electrical engineer. The nervous system has many  thousands of  electrical connections."
 The last one said,  "Actually it was a civil  engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline  through  a  recreational area?"

 Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

 "Normal people believe that if it ain't broke,  don't fix it." Engineers  believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have  enough features yet."

 Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

 An architect, an artist and an engineer were  discussing whether it was  better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.  The architect said  he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid  foundation for an enduring  relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with  his  mistress, because the passion and mystery he found  there. The engineer said,  "I like both."

 "Both?"

 "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will  each assume you are  spending time with the other woman, and you can go  to the lab and  get some work done."

 Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

 An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog  called out to him and  said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful  princess." He  bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his  pocket. The frog spoke up  again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back  into a beautiful  princess, I will stay with you for one week." The  engineer took the frog out  of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

 Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

 The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer.
I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."