Air Education and Training Command:
The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.

Special Ops:
The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to enemy fire.. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night using NVG's, preferably near a road bend in a valley.

Air Combat Command:
The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.

Tanker Airlift Control Center:
We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.

Command Post:
What chicken?

Tower:
The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road-incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HACKRR). Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.

Base Ops:
The Chicken needs to file a Road Crossing Plan (RCP) prior to attempting to cross.

C-130 crewmember:
Just put it in back and let's go.

C-17 crewmember:
I ordered a no. 4 with Turkey and ham, NOT chicken. Besides, where the heck are my condiments?! We ain't taking off til' I get my condiments!!

Fighter dude:
The Chicken was only in the road for 30 seconds. There was no hazard. I saw my shot and I took it.

Navigator Dude:
What road?

B-1 crew:
Missed the whole show--we had an IFE so we couldn't get out to see it; you'll have to ask the SOF.

Air Force Personnel Center:
Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.

John Warden:
The chicken used its unique ability to operate in 2 dimensions to bypass the less important strategic rings on this side of the road and strike directly into the heart of the enemy, thereby destroying the will of the enemy to fight and thus ending the conflict on terms favorable to the chicken.

Air National Guard:
Due to a BRAC closure the Chicken was forced to cross the road. The Chicken is authorized full Per Diem and Travel Expenses while crossing the road. Upon crossing, the Chicken will be assigned to the Turkey Wing and assist them with preparations for their upcoming Operation Thanksgiving deployment.

Air Force Reserve:
Due to Mission Requirements, the Chicken’s stay on the Road will be involuntarily extended for 180 days

Congress:
We voted for the chicken to go onto the road. We support the Chicken while it’s in the road. We want a definite time and date that the Chicken will be off the road.