1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I am lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cats food before they eat it, or after they or I throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead animals just because I think they smell good.
9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
10. I will not eat anymore Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I'm hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. We do not have a doorbell, therefore I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dads laps.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not lick the hands of the McDonald's drive through employee when he hands out the food.
20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he is on the toilet.
21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.
22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.
23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".
25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my but across the carpet.
27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because the water is blue does not mean its cleaner.
28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room. 
30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it is usually not a good thing.